MOTHERING, CAREGIVING.

Shame. 

Mothering and caregiving is a rich living tapestry of where emotion, body and mind intertwine.

The true depth and complexity of the caregiving experience sits in constrast to its perfectionist cultural ideals and stereotypes of mothering. And in this gap, between realities and ideals, feelings of shame and of inadequacy, can unintentionally arise.

“ Shame is the painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging”- Brene Brown.

Shame is a significant experience, as in its presence it silences us in sharing our struggles and joys as caregivers When exposed to the vulnerabilites of immaturity, it surfaces our own. In our moments of deepest sensitivity our greatest needs are for connection and belonging. To feel loved, and wholly accepted, alongside our children. Shame can isolate from recieving the care and connection when it is needed the most.

“The brain percieves social rejection, or shame the same way it percieves physcial pain’. Brene Brown.

The capacity to recognise and intergrate shame can move us toward intimacy, in our relationships, both platonic and romantic. It begins with noticing when and where we feel it, how it lands in the body. It eventually leads to the courage to be able to share our shame out loud, in doing so, we allow for the blooms of empathy to grow.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being. “ John Joseph Powell

By H Coutts

22. Sept. 2025.

References and Further Reading.

Brown B, 2012, Daring Greatly, how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. Gotham Books.